Not the Phantom of the Opera
by Hyper Kid
Summary: To celebrate me getting book 23, I'm putting up this! As usual, crackfic, the SDK cast is performing Phantom, with some special trouble along the way. Just read if you're interested!
1. The Casting

Not the Phantom of Opera

Boredom strikes and not even Shreddies can stop it! Don't worry if you have no idea what that's about, the point is, the SDK crew are performing Phantom of the Opera. Lots of love, Aeternus-Spes and Hikari Mibu!

Disclaimer: I don't own SDK, unfortunately, or Phantom. Also unfortunately, because they have some good singers.

Warning: I'm writing it. That means yaoi and bad language. Beep the badger as you go out.

HK shrugged, stretched, and leaned back to poke Shinrei.  
"Yo, Shin, 'cause this is the... 13th anniversary of... uh... apple juice day, you guys are going to perform Phantom of the Opera. The peeps themselves will be watching, so do a good job! I'll send a good director for ya, gotta run, do your best, I'll send the casting too!" She vanished into a plothole, leaving Shinrei surprised, confused, and slightly annoyed.  
"What the hell is apple juice day?!"

Just as Shinrei got the whole group together, and managed to get some kind of control, a plothole opened in the ceiling, and the shape of a young boy fell through, before the plothole closed with a very dramatic roll of thunder and plume of smoke. After the general hysterics stopped, and they pried Yuya from a lampshade, they could hear the coughing and swearing from the figure dropped from the ceiling.  
"Fuck, I told HK not to hit the ceiling again! She always freakin' misses with these things!" Shinrei stared at the figure rising from the smoke in shock.  
"Atsui?!" Pushing aside the smoke and still mumbling about the directionally challenged authoress, Atsui glanced up.  
"Hey Mom, Dad. I hope you're not expecting hugs." Hotaru shrugged, poking Akira.  
"Who's that kid again?" Atsui sighed, and then smiled slightly, putting an arm over his father's shoulder.  
"That's my dad." Shinrei scowled.  
"Why do you always call me your mother!" Atsui shook his head, smile growing.  
"Nice to know mom will never change. Oh, btw, HK kept my parentage inside the Mibu, until you blurted it." Shinrei froze for a second, then turned to stare at everyone else who ever featured in SDK, even if it was only for 5 seconds. All was quiet for a few seconds, then Kyo snickered, which was the cue for everyone else to have their various hysterical reactions. Shinrei glared at everyone who came near him, blushing furiously.  
"I hate her. So very much." Atsui actually laughed, and slid an arm over his mother's shoulder.  
"Well, I think we should be moving on. I have all your parts..." Yuya raised a hand uncertainly.  
"Uh, doesn't this involve singing?" Atsui nodded.  
"Not seeing your point." Yuya frowned slightly.  
"So shouldn't she know who can sing before she casts the parts?" Atsui smirked, glancing at an ominous sheet of paper.  
"No need. She knows what she's doing. Now if you'll shut up, I'll tell you the parts." There was a sudden hush as word spread throughout the room, and Atsui managed in seconds what had taken Shinrei 3 hours to do: achieve total silence. Atsui smirked at the sea of terrified faces, before reading from his slip of paper.  
"The starring role, the Phantom, goes to Kotaro. Other starring male role, Raoul, goes to Akira. The starring female role, Christine, goes too..." Atsui paused dramatically, as all the girls in the room held their breath, anxious to see who would get to star alongside the two bishis "Sasuke!" There was a frozen moment, then Sasuke shrieked.  
"What the hell?!" Akira and Yukimura, who had been standing beside the little ninja, suffered from temporary deafness and so did not hear Atsui's answer.  
"You have the highest male voice, and the girls can't sing for toffee. Not only because Saishi's allergic." The girls were all very annoyed, and ignored, as Atsui moved on in the casting. "Other important roles, like the owners of the opera, Firmin and Andre, got to Shinrei and Hotaru. The part of the bitchy opera lady goes to Fubuki, and the bitchy opera guy goes to Hishigi. Meg the ballet dancer will be Mahiro, because she doesn't have to sing much and all the rest of you bitches are the ballet people, because you suck. Yukimura will be the ballet mistress, and Taihaku, Kyoshiro, Benitora, White Crow and Black Scorpion are gonna be cops. Everyone else...you are either doing lighting, props, construction or filling in the chorus. Chinmei, you're the conductor of a band that doesn't exist... wait a minute, Twelve freaks, you're our band, Nobunaga's leading you, so you better learn those instruments fast. Shindara, you're the dude who's always drunk and gets killed by the Phantom. Sanada Ten, you're in charge of scenery and moving things, preferably without killing people. Akari, you get to whip the ballet dancers, which also includes Kyo and Bon." There was a high pitched squeal from Akari at the mention of Kyo's name, and Kyo paled. Atsui dropped a huge box onto the ground, then turned to leave. "Here are your scripts, learn your parts because practice starts tomorrow!" He ran for the door as Kyo and Fubuki reached the script box, laughing maniacally.


	2. The Costumes

Not the Phantom of Opera

Disclaimer: Uh... I don't own SDK, or Phantom so don't sue me?

Warning: In case you didn't read the first one, there WILL be yaoi. Currently only references, but IT IS THERE!

The next day, after the more dangerous hysterics had ceased, the group met up again in the opera theatre. Kyo was still steaming about his role, though not half as much as Sasuke. Funnily enough, neither Kotaro or Akira were complaining, despite the number of skimpy or elaborate dresses Sasuke would be wearing. Yukimura and Fubuki embraced their roles whole-heartedly, fully prepared to enjoy themselves, as did Akari, though nobody quite knew why... okay, they did, but they wouldn't admit it. Eventually Atsui arrived, yawning and looking a mess.  
"Mornin', sorry 'm late..." Shinrei glared at him.  
"You should have been here two hours ago! Where were you?!" Atsui gave him a blank look, then looked pointedly at his father, who was snoring in Shinrei's lap.  
"I was sleeping. Why aren't you in costume, Mr. Perfect?" Shinrei started, spun around, then glared at the smirking boy.  
"You have all the costumes!" Atsui grinned, then whipped out another big box.  
"Well so I do! Suit up, rehearsals starting in 10 minutes." Sasuke looked confusedly through all the dresses he was supposed to wear.  
"Which one?!" Atsui smirked.  
"Guess. I'll tell you if you're wearing the right one." Akira smiled, looking through the script.  
"Don't worry Sasuke, I know which one." Fubuki stared in shock at his own pile of dresses, then grabbed one at random and vanished to the change rooms with Hishigi in tow. Everyone else found something approximating to their costumes for the first act, and vanished also.

At the dressing rooms, Akira, Yukimura and Kotaro were anxiously awaiting Sasuke's return from behind the dressing room door, when Yukimura turned to Kotaro.  
"Why are you here?" Kotaro flushed as much as he can behind his bandages, and turned his head away.  
"Waiting for the dressing room." Akira raised an eyebrow.  
"And the other 50 in here are unsatisfactory, why?" Kotaro glared momentarily at him, and pouted under his bandages.  
"Okay, so I want to see what my co-stars look like. So sue me." Yukimura looked about to say something, but Sasuke came out from behind the door, wearing a very skimpy costume indeed, consisting of a sparkly bra and a beaded skirt. All three men suddenly had very blank faces, and Akira grabbed Sasuke's arm, turned him around, and marched him back into the stall, shutting the door behind them. Kotaro sighed depressedly and looked at the ground. Yukimura glanced over at him and smiled.  
"Are you jealous Kotaro-kun?" Kotaro might have blushed, but you couldn't tell because his face was shrouded in bandages.  
"Of course not." He turned and walked away to get into costume, even though he wasn't in the first scene, he didn't trust Atsui not to jump around.


	3. THE HORROR! No, the singing

Not the Phantom of Opera

Disclaimer: Phantom: HK does not own me.  
HK: Keep going!  
Phantom: Fine. HK does not own me, or anyone else.

Warning: Uh... bad singing?

Eventually they managed to get at least the stars onto the set, so a part of the rehearsal could begin. Namely, Sasuke was going to sing. Or rather, that was the intention. There was, of course, the problem of Akira jumping on the small boy at random intervals, like when he could hold it no longer, Kotaro and Yukimura being unable to keep their eyes off him, and Sasuke himself complaining about the song, whenever he wasn't being jumped.  
"How am I supposed to be able to sing that high? It's impossible!" Yuya giggled, and picked up the sheet of music.  
"Don't worry, I can do it! This just proves HK was wrong, and I should be the star!" The other girls glared as Yuya coughed, then started to sing the notes.  
"La, la, la, la, la, LAAAAAAA!" However, when she reached the high note, her voice cracked, and she croaked. Sasuke rounded on Atsui, one finger pointing back at Yuya accusingly.  
"See that?! If the girls can't, how am I supposed to sing that?!" Atsui shrugged, apparently more interested in watching Kotaro and Hotaru snickering with a bucket of frog guts and Yuya's now empty glass.  
"Just do it. HK cast you for a reason. You haven't even tried yet." Sasuke pouted, fended off Akira, and cleared his throat.  
"Fine. I'll try the stupid singing." He took a deep breath, and, surprisingly, managed to sing it perfectly, even hitting the high note. Yuya glared in increasingly froggish envy, and Kotaro's only visible eye opened really wide. Sasuke himself seemed the most amazed, and he grabbed his throat.  
"How the hell..." Atsui shrugged, poking the frog guts with his father.  
"Who cares?"

Later, Kotaro was supposed to be singing his first song alone, a kinda seductive one called 'Music of the Night'. However, just before he started, Atsui raised a hand.  
"Oh, you might want to really try with this one, it's HK's favourite, and if you screw up... she's gonna be really mad is my point. Not to mention the real Phantom." Kotaro paused, took another deep breath, and was interrupted by Akira.  
"I still cannot believe you're letting him do this!" Atsui glanced unconcernedly in the angry ice user's direction.  
"Which him?" Akira glared, and ice spiked in every direction.  
"ALL OF THEM!" Hotaru idly melted most of the ice, and Shinrei dumped the resulting water on his head. Atsui sighed, and pulled out a spike of ice that was stuck in his arm.  
"What are you objecting to so we can fix it?" Surprised by the calm reaction and Sasuke bitch-slapping him, Akira calmed down.  
"You are letting THAT," he pointed at Kotaro, who glared, "seduce Sasuke. What isn't there to complain about?" Atsui paused, apparently thinking about it. A while later he nodded.  
"Sasuke is wearing a dress." Everyone else stared at him.  
"WHAT?" Atsui smiled like someone who has just worked out a complicated problem.  
"You asked what not to complain about."


	4. The Pairings

Well, here's another chappy! I'm writing a whole lot of stuff at the moment, so updates may remain fairly slow... Oh well!

Disclaimer: Kotaro: HK doesn't own anything in this fic. Which is good, given her bad choice of pairings.  
HK: Hey! You're just mad you don't get Sasuke!  
Kotaro: Damn right I am!

WARNING: YAOI! Very obvious in this chappy! An itty bitty bit of mush, some inappropriate language.

It turned out Kotaro sang the song very well and won himself a small round of applause upon conclusion. Unfortunately for everyone's favourite bandaged maniac, Sasuke had been 'borrowed' by Akira again, about halfway through the song, so poor Kota-kun couldn't get an opinion from the only person who really mattered to him. Atsui rolled his eyes at the depressed ninja, and sighed.  
"Very good, Kotaro. Now can you go get our other two stars back please?" Kotaro pouted (not that you could see under all the freepin' bandages), and walked off in the direction that was most random, because unfortunately for him, he only had one eye and that had been focused on his singing. Oh, the eye-rony. Eventually, though, he heard some muffled noises and thumps inside one of the closets, and felt a few more delicate parts of his heart snap into itsy bitsy pieces. He glared morbid death at the shaking cupboard, then flung the door open to tell the two Atsui wanted them (heeheehee...), so he could go sit in a corner and peel back his bandages to slit his wrist some more. However, when the door opened he did not see the scene of rabid kinky hot monkey sex he had been expecting. Sasuke was standing with his back to Akira, arms crossed and pouting in that adorably cute way of his that made you want to jump him on the spot because it was so unbelievably cute, and I really think I shouldn't be typing this late, and this sentence lost its point so I'm gonna stop now. Akira was standing behind Sasuke scowling in concentration as he fumbled with the clasp on Sasuke's padded bra, muttering angrily.  
"Stupid damn thing's broken! Stupid clasp snapped off, Sasuke, I can't fix it." Sasuke rolled his eyes and murmured so only Akira could hear him.  
"Damn it, why the fuck did I fall in love with you?" Akira grinned, leaning towards Sasuke's ear.  
"Could it have been for the great sex?" Sasuke pouted his adorable pout again.  
"I guess it could have been..." Kotaro, who hadn't heard that, coughed to make his presence known.  
"Akira, Sasuke, Atsui wants you." Akira looked guilty and hopped out of the closet at once (heh, insert inevitable 'coming out of the closet' joke here), and scurried away down the hall. Sasuke got out more slowly, and shot a curious glance at Kotaro.  
"Say Kota-kun, do you think you can help me with this?" He pointed over his shoulder at the broken clasp. Kotaro was shocked, but nodded, and moved behind Sasuke. As Kotaro was a ninja, which for some random reason meant he knew everything, he easily managed to fix the clasp. Sasuke twisted, felt the clasp, then turned and smiled at his old friend turned enemy turned friend again.  
"Thanks, Kota-kun, I don't know what I would do without you." A few ideas sprang to Kotaro's mind, but he ignored them, and merely ruffled Sasuke's hair a little, in the same manner he had done back in the forest.  
"You're impossible, Sasuke." Sasuke stuck his tongue out teasingly at his friend, then turned to walk after Akira. Kotaro sighed quietly, and turned to wander off somewhere else deep inside the opera house, before Sasuke turned and called after him.  
"Hey, Kotaro, aren't you coming with me?" Kotaro smiled very slightly under the bandages, and walked after his smaller friend.

Well, I hope you liked it! Remember, everyone, if you can't laugh at something, you don't love it enough!


End file.
